Monthly Archives: October 2009

At The Helm of Government

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10-31-09
Dear County Commissioner:
Thank you for coming to Marble and hearing us out last night. I know that it is a huge effort on the part of you and the other County Commissioners.
The purpose of this letter is to restate my request and show you the urgency of the situation. 
The request:  “Redistribute the money allocated for road maintenence and snowplowing in the greater Marble area.”
Why: The population has increased greatly in the last decade, and people are living along sections of unmaintained county roads, causing all types of problems. For example:
1.Private individuals take it upon themselves to plow the county roads, literally blocking others in with 4 ft. high piles of snow in the MIDDLE of the road.
2. Stuck vehicles are left stranded in the road, blocking the way for other people, and forcing them to walk home to their properties, often a great distance away.
3. Snowplowing “contractors” have taken out at least one telephone pedestal, and not repaired it, causing inconvenience and a safety hazard, for citizens using it.
4. Medical emergencies have occurred where the ambulance couldn’t make it to the houses in the wintertime. Alternative transportation was needed, and time delays were a potential life and death situation.
5. Neighborhood “hired” snowplow contractors are requesting $400 from me for snowplowing, yet they have not plowed within ½ mile of my property!  This leads to unnecessary strife in the community.
6.Multiple school teachers, children, craftsmen, and productive individuals live along these roads, and need to access county road 3 on a daily basis.  Passable community roads are one of the most basic services provided by the government  of a civilized society.
7.Prospector Trail, and Serpentine Trail are county owned roads, not private roads. The  private free-for-all that is quickly getting out of control is dangerous and  inappropriate for a DENSLY POPULATED area.
      8.   The use of Gunnison County machinery and employees continues to be redundant, and in some cases  unnecessary, in the Marble area. This occurs with complete disregard for pleas of help from needy and endangered citizens. This is unconscionable at the least, immoral at the middle, and illegal at the worst.
 
The number of stories of desperate individuals trying to travel on these unmaintained county roads, would take more of your time than you need to give. 
Who:  Gunnison County Commissioners are the government agents who can request Marleen Crosby to reallocate a  portion of  “Marble”  road maintenence funds. Reallocated funds would expand to    include currently unmaintained county roads in the greater Marble area. These include, but are not limited to, Prospector Trail, Serpentine Trail, and other highly populated roads.
Reallocation/redistribution of current funds is by far the least expensive option for satisfying the                    needs of the residents, citizens, and county government.
Reallocation/redistribution of current funds is the least complicated method for addressing the above stated problems from a legal standpoint. 
Reallocation/redistribution of funds is fastest way to “fix the problem”, and will result in safer, more productive, and content constituents. Isn’t that what we all want?
I would like an answer as to whether or not you approve a redistribution of funds in the greater Marble area. Will you please address this issue at the Tuesday, November 3, 2009 County Commissioners Meeting?  If not then, would you  please put it on the docket for your next scheduled meeting, and let me know ?
Thanks again for your time.  The winds of change are blowing in Marble, and we are counting on you to have a steady, firm, and compassionate hand on the wheel of government.
Sincerely,
Jerry Begly
400 Prospector Trail
Marble, CO 81623
email- coloradocartoons@yahoo.com 

Chickens In Your House

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 Last night the Crystal River Caucus met at the Marble community church. The group was essentially divided into two camps: those who think it’s OK to restrict what people do on their own property, and those who believe in “live and let live”. The bulk of the evening was spent discussing the much-debated Special Geographic Area plan. In the past, it was presented to the Gunnison County Planning Commission. They rejected it.

The plan had a few minor revisions in it since the County Planning Commission rejected it, however, it is essentially the same document.

For example: Under the original document, if you didn’t finish building your house and get a certificate of occupancy within 17 years, the approximate cost of fines would be around $1,000,000.00. That’s correct. One million dollars. I’m not making this up! Based on my comment in the public meeting with the planning commission during the first proposal of the Special Geographic Area, the fine has a “reduced” price.

In last night’s meeting, I congratulated the caucus board for being so magnanimous. I said that it reminded me of Russia. When the Russians were oppressed after the Bolshevik Revolution, the government made farmers put animals into their houses. Horses, cows, pigs, chickens. Whatever people owned got to live with them in their homes. It showed the government’s power. After a year, the government told the people, “You can take the cow out of the house.” The relieved farmers were grateful. After another period of time, the government told them that they could take the pigs out. The farmers were quite grateful to the government. Finally, they were down to the chickens, by which time things seemed to be quite normal.

I told the caucus board, “In the same vein as the Russians, I thank you. By reducing the fine in your proposal, we are now down to simply having the chickens in our house.” They didn’t appreciate that comment.

There were comments thrown out to the board like, “How does limiting the size of houses ‘protect and promote the economy’ as shown in your reasons for the regulations”? Or the concerned citizen who rhetorically asked “Isn’t this document a vehicle for telling us what color to paint our houses, or anything else that you want to control?”

The caucus board then resorted to fear of the future. Oil rigs in our quaint little town were one of the first bogey men thrown at us. Then there was loss of tourist income. We don’t have many tourist businesses here. As a matter of fact, we don’t have many businesses at all. We don’t even have a gas station. Our natural beauty was in jeopardy. It was interesting to note that both low brow houses (the epitome of a small town) and recently built, large, well thought out houses, were all used as reasons to accept the Special Geographic Area proposal.

The Special Geographic Area document is full of legal faux pas, ridiculous assumptions (the county isn’t doing enough to protect natural beauty), socialism, government intrusion, innuendo, scare tactics, personal opinion, and illegal proposals. (The county doesn’t have jurisdiction on federal land which encompasses over 90 percent of the proposed area).

The Special Geographic Area proposal is not what this small town community needs. Trash it. Get on with current issues, not scare tactics about the future. Now let’s get government doing the things that it is supposed to be doing.

Blackbeard’s Ghost

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It’s difficult to say when the idea of putting cannon fuse in my beard first hit me.  I know that as a dad you need to show your young children there are things a father can do that they can’t. Seeing the name “Blackbeard the Pirate” in a children’s encyclopedia certainly sealed my fate. In any case,  it seemed like a good idea at the time. Putting cannon fuse in your beard and lighting it is something altogether different.
The “cannon fuse incident” happened when my three oldest children were fairly young-sometime between Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and the Post -Barney the Purple Dinosaur era. Those of you who don’t know what the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are all about, need to start watching the History Channel. I grew to hate those turtles. As a rookie ski instructor teaching kids, I had more children walk up and kick me in the shins with their ski boots on while pretending to be a Mutant Ninja Turtle.
So when trying to impress your children with lit cannon fuse in your beard, there are a few rules that you must follow: First, never let your wife stand there with a fire extinguisher pointed at your face.  My wife doesn’t have a lot of experience extinguishing burning beards, so I didn’t even suggest the fire extinguisher idea. Second, don’t do it in the garage. There are lawnmowers, chainsaws, gunpowder, and  more cannon fuse stored there. “Kablooey”  isn’t something you want printed in your obituary. Third, and most important, make sure you say to your children, “Now kids, don’t try this at home!” I don’t know why your are supposed to say it, but it always seems to be the thing to the little ones just before you try a stupid, dangerous stunt. 
When I lit the cannon fuse, the first thought that came to my mind was “Why didn’t I wait until my beard was longer, like maybe down to the floor?” The second thought that went through my mind was, “Wow! Look at the eyes on those children! They must be as big as saucers!” Now I was really getting through to them.  I  scowled, looked mean, raised my hand with a pretend pistol, and let out a few “Aaargh”s and “Aye, maties!” Then I ran for the bathroom.
Once inside the bathroom, with my kids in hot pursuit, I inspected the damage. ” Not too bad,” I thought. Slight singeing, and a nasty smell were all that I got. And my beard was a little bit more black! The kids were either stunned, impressed, or  had to use the toilet badly. I’m not sure to this day which it was.
Fortunately for me I knew two things about cannon fuse which helped in my little experiment: My cannon fuse burns at a rate of one foot per 30 seconds, and it keeps on burning under water.  If Blackbeard had a similar fuse and a battle between boat crews lasted for, oh say, twenty minutes, then I could have needed fuses 40 feet long. My guess is that he wanted it to go out once he started fighting.  And  I’ll bet that after it burned a while he didn’t run to the bathroom to check out how it went. At least not after the first few battles.
So in summary, I’d have to say that you shouldn’t try this at home. That is, until you clean out the garage first. Now men, get out there and clean out the garage.



Spiderman at 8500 ft.

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The adventure isn’t over, yet. Last week I turned 52, and yesterday I was hanging by a climbing rope with a Holehawg drill and air impact wrench installing braces on the south end of my house. The braces are triangular, and weigh in the neighborhood of 100 lbs. each.
To be quite honest, installing the braces is something that I’ve dreaded doing for over two years. My wife and son, Caleb, and I have discussed how to do it for all of that time. Not having a deck to set up scaffolding on has been the major obstacle.  I knew all along that I’d have to hang from a rope to put them up.  
Climbing ropes aren’t new to me. I have several. I’ve been a climber for many years, and a mountain guide for a few. I’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. But using climbing ropes on the side of my house with drills, impact wrenches, and SAWS was a little bit weird. (Yes, I cut plywood with a circular saw just a few inches from my rope during the installation.)
Needless to say, the braces went up, and that part of living life large is over.  My son, Caleb, and my daughter, Heidi were up on a scaffolding, around the corner of the house, handing me tools, and beams. 
I was Spiderman, doing my thing on the rope. “Thank you, Jesus” kept coming out of my lips whenever a big beam got attached by the 12 inch lag bolts. I didn’t want to fall 25 feet backwards onto rocks with a log on top of me.
Living life large comes real natural when your home is up in the mountains.  If you chuck the “comforts” of city life, flatland life, and on-the-grid life, you can’t help but live an interesting life. 
The other night, I was awake at midnight, thinking how much work needs to be done on our house before the snow flies. I couldn’t sleep, so I got up, made a fire, fixed a snack, and sat down in front of the wood stove to make a schedule. Building contractors make building schedules all of the time. To get the outside of the house ready before winter will require massive work, 6 days a week, for 6 weeks.  
So far, I’m only slightly behind schedule. But for the next 5 weeks, it will be an accelerated schedule for me and my family.  
Don’t ask me how the house is coming. The answer is way too complicated. People who know nothing about the design or building of our house look at it and say, “Oh, all you gotta do is shingle it.” If I listed the things I need to do before it’s shingled, it would take up the entire blog. 
But don’t feel sorry for me. Last night as the sun was going down, I was hand peeling logs for the porch posts. I was warm, the sun was on my face, and the only sound I could hear was the wind clanging the chimes in the tree and whistling softly in the branches.