Category Archives: Comedy Parenting

Hacker in My House

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My two sons, Joshua and Caleb are shown here building our new family “super” computer. Caleb has been a geek for several years now (wiring our new house starting when he was 12 years old), and Joshua is his protégée .

When I was drawing “Camp Pinetar” a daily comic strip, I had a character named “Hacker”. You can see him spinning around on the globe at the top of the page.

Caleb wasn’t born yet, but little did I know that I would have my own real hacker in the house.

What gives me the right to call my son a hacker?

Caleb works for U Test. He is what is called a “White Hat Hacker.” The people who work for U Test are given prototype electronic devices, and software programs, and told to try and break into them.

Caleb found several weaknesses in one of the Droid prototypes, earning him a nice check.

Caleb tells me that our new computer has the second fastest processor in the world.

I have a feeling that he’s saving the fastest processor in the world for his computer.

Now, back to Net Bios…or not.

Invisible Slackline

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My son Caleb pulls some amazing stunts, but this one I didn’t believe, even though I saw it with my own eyes.

He said, “Dad, come out and check out my new slackline!”

I followed him out to some rocks and trees where he looked at me and said, “What do you think?” as he pointed to thin air.

“I don’t see anything,” I replied.

“I know,” Caleb smiled. And with that, he walked over beside a rock and started walking up an invisible slackline. My jaw dropped.

He wobbled, shook, and waved his hands wildly as he ascended the loose slant. When he got to the tree, he grabbed the branches, turned around, and said “How was that?’’

I gave him a thumbs up, then went back to my book and continued reading about Houdini.

Kids.

Son of Pan

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If you wonder what it’s like growing up the son of Peter Pan, just ask one of my four boys.

Here a few of them on a typical day, walking on the “road” just above our house.They stop and look at bugs, fight villains, and in general are the recipients of good healthy playing.

It’s my personal belief that a kid will be happy with a stick and a mud puddle. When my children covet that “Super Convivial Stadium Playhouse” set at the local store, I remind them that the great outdoors is a lot bigger than that contraption.

Those playplaces are for city kids with a fenced in yard. Poor things.

Now, what’s that ticking sound I hear?

I Should Have Been a Doctor, Not an Author

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At the Mountain and Plains book expo, I attended the Author Signing Night. People filed by, spitting hors d’oeuvres out of their mouths as they raved about my book, and asked me to sign it for all 15 of their grandchildren (couldn’t you get a book for each child?).

I would write something in each book about “tooth adventures!” and then sign my autograph starting with a symbol that looks a little bit like a “J”, followed by a smooth flowing hieroglyphic. It looked like it was written by Nerfateedees,  the 10 year old Pharaoh of the Foamtoy Dynasty. Then, I would do a Loren Begly “B”, followed by a M.C. Escher drawing of the New York skyline.

My autograph amazed even me. It was worthy of even the most practiced doctor. I could have gotten a prescription to virtually any drug in the world.

My second grade teacher wouldn’t have been surprised, however. She used to give me “C”s in Cursive Handwriting. Somehow, she just knew I was going to be a doctor, and she wanted to help me along.

I have to go now. I need to pull out the couch cushions and look for some lost foam darts.

Target Doesn’t Know Anything About College

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My 18 year old son is headed to college this fall.
Being the organized person that he is (this proves that “the apple CAN fall far from the tree”),  he got the college checklist of necessary items from target, and began reading the list off.

“Gaming station”, stood out in my mind as one of the most important necessities for college. “Toilet brush” was probably second.

“Hey, Dad,” Caleb mused, “They don’t even have pencils on the list.”

“How about paper?” I inquired.

“Nope.”

“Little multicolored erasers that you put on your pencil?”

“Not that, either.”

All told, there were 5 different devices listed which are used for entertainment.

College sure has changed since I was there. For our entertainment, we played Round Robin ping pong until the Resident Assistant shut us down around midnight. Then we sat up ‘till 2 am solving all of the world’s problems. Then the troublemakers in the dorm would get drunk, and throw Chinese Throwing Stars at the drywall until 4 am.

If I need to go back to college for another degree, I’m gonna have to buy a lot of batteries.