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Yesterday I saw this horse jump over the bear.
It didn’t actually jump OVER the bear, but it tried to. Right as the picture was being snapped, the bear reached down, picked up a shovel and smacked the horse down like a wounded dragonfly.
The bear leaned over the horse and said, “Only YOU can prevent Pegasus!”
Then he went back to holding that little sign.
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My space flight yesterday smashed all world records.
Wearing an army surplus gas mask and being propelled by sky-high gas prices, I was able to launch my new garage into orbit at 7:15 MDT.
I performed several useful scientific experiments while in orbit; experiments like Does Spaghetti Stick To Walls in Outer Space? and What Happens to Gangsta Pants in Zero Gravity?
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Here you see me as I floated from the tool cabinet towards the garage door opener. A fly landed on the garage door opener and I was afraid that the door would open, sucking my expensive tools and myself out into the unknown.
My flight broke Dave Gullenex’s world record when in 1974 he and his cousin accidentally blew their garage 28 miles into the air while working on a Chevy Nova upgrade.
The reentry was smooth, but TSA frisked me upon landing at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport.
Let me know if I can ever do any experiments for you when I take my storage shed to the moon in November.
To the moon, Alice! To the moon!
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Today I heard part of a speech where Barack Obama was championing civil rights. To paraphrase part of that speech, here is what he declared: “because of what happened when they marched over that bridge, a white girl and a black man could have a child, and Barack Obama Jr. was born.”
Republicans are saying that President Obama is ignorant on civil rights and American history, because of the fact that he was born before that march. But that couldn’t be true, because he’s a Harvard graduate, and you know how hard it is to get a Harvard degree these days.
Using sophisticated detective techniques, I found out why he said what appears to be a gaffe.
He’s got a time machine.
You’re looking at the world’s first photo of the plans for that machine at the top of the page.
Using the time machine, Barack Obama Jr. went back in history, saw that civil rights march happen, and said, “I’ll have myself born before the march, knowing what a great place America is going to become in the past.”
Pure genius.
It’s no wonder he was able to graduate from Harvard and not have to release his university transcripts.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to hop into that time machine and see who I should have voted for coming up back in 2012. This is going to be easy.
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We only have one bat in the cave at Glenwood Caverns. And he likes to sleep next to the light in the cave.
I think he’s afraid of the dark.
When he was a baby bat his older brother probably told him stories of humans hiding in the closet ready to jump out at him if he got up to go the the bathroom, or run to the freezer to grab a pack of blueberries to eat in bed.
So he sleeps next to the light right where the noisy tourists go in and out the door.
“A BAT!” yells a little girl as she points to the ceiling. The bat wakes up, and looks around, his big ears rotating like radars. No wait, they are radars.
When his buddies return this fall they probably will ask him, “How was your summer in the cave?”
The little bat no doubt will reply, “I didn’t sleep a wink.”
Nighty night bat. Set your snooze alarm for this evening.
Yeeee Hawwww! Here are two of my daughters, Heidi (white shirt), and Christina (blue bandana) riding in Redstone, Colorado.
Both ride well, sing like meadowlarks, play guitar, saw on the violin delightfully, and carry big knives. Did I mention that they carry big knives? They can throw a rope, shoot straight, and skin an elk. Did I mention that they can skin an elk?
I have heaps of fun with these gals and I’m one proud papa.
Heidi is singing in Denver in a few weeks, and wants me to back her up on my banjo. To be honest, she’s really good by herself.
A modern Gene Autry, that’s what she is.
Yeeeee Hawwww!