Category Archives: Just Plain Fun

Russian Missile Narrowly Misses Camp

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Recently, this Russian Tomahawk missile landed just beyond the boys bathroom at a camp located in Marble, Colorado. Fortunately the campers were all in chapel, and the warhead (made in China) didn’t detonate.

Camp staff discovered the missile while chasing a squirrel that had stolen the camp director’s secret recipe for wookalar pie. The squirrel ran up the missile and sat on the still-smoking fins.

NORAD tracking experts admitted to not detecting the missile as it flew over 90 percent of the US, narrowly missing 13 commercial jets, and a truck driver from Indiana who had tied helium balloons to a lawn chair and was floating above the small town of Wakarusa.

Authorities at the Department of Defense stated that the public was never in any danger, because the missile is actually made from an old telephone pole, and had a very imprecise flight path.

The biggest mystery is why the Russian Army didn’t detach the wheel before launching the missile. It’s supposed that the launch captain was on Twitter at the moment.

How Was Your Commute?

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I can’t talk right now. The tram is coming to pick me up for work here at Glenwood Caverns Adventure Park where I’m  cave tour guide.

When people ask me if I like my job, I just smile and say, “Yeah.”

You have to like a commuter car that picks you up under these circumstances.

Cowboys on Mainstreet

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Every now and then, the cowboys and cowgirls of Redstone, Colorado take a ride down mainstreet. It just happens that 3 of my relatives were in this pile. Lookin’ good, aren’t they?

Thanks, Randy.

Barn Joke

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You’re looking at the second largest cave room in Colorado. It’s called “The Barn”, and tourists consider it one of the highlights of my guided cave tours at Glenwood Caverns Adventure Park.

One joke I like to tell at the top of the barn is when we are standing at the top of the stair steps just about to go clomping down to the bottom:

I shine my flashlight on a bench and say, “This feature is called, ‘The Bench.’ It was discovered 12 years ago by carpenters in the cave. If you don’t want do go down to the bottom of the barn (that’s 127 stair steps down, 33,685 stair steps back up) you may sit on “The Bench” and listen to the water drip until we come back up.”

Laughter.

As we head down the stairs, I invariably will see someone who decides to sit out the walk on “The Bench.”

“Practical joke” takes on a new meaning on my tours.

I love sitting here and listening to the water drip in the cave. I wonder if the people on my tour are having a nice time down there without me.

My First Sunburn

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During the past two days, my wife and I spent our 25th wedding anniversary at the historic Hotel Colorado in Glenwood Springs, Colorado.

We were sent there compliments of our children (Thanks, kids!)

On our way to the Hot Springs Pool a couple stopped us and handed me free passes to the pool. Woo hoo! So Marti my wife, and I went on the water slide as a celebration. Marti sat out the second ride, and I went alone.

“I didn’t hear you scream on the way down,” she said to me afterwards.

“I’ll do it again, and scream in German,” I replied.

The third time I went down the waterslide, I screamed as loud as I could in German. “Ach du lieber! Dis ist nicht gut! Aaaaaagh, heir kommt die krankwagon! Schnell, dumkopf! Aaaaaagh!”

When I came out the end of the tube and splashed into the pool, I looked up. A Japanese lady was videotaping me.

That didn’t make me turn red as much as the glowing sunburn I had that night.

One more thing. I think the pool attendant was an exchange student from Germany.