Yesterday at work I was required to watch the radar for our particular region of Colorado. I saw a massive storm over my hometown of Marble, and when I zoomed in, I saw about 24 lightning strikes above my house. “It’s a doozy” I thought to myself.

When my son and I drove home at 9 pm, there was a huge mudflow across the road, cutting the town off from civilization. There were vehicles parked everywhere as three huge loaders worked to clear the five foot deep soup off of the road.

A guy was walking around in the dark, offering pasta to the stranded travelers.

BEEP BEEP BEEP. VROOOOOOM! The workers had been clearing the road since 4 pm.

Since our house is located on THIS side of the mud flow, we hopped back in the car and drove up to our place.

When I got home, I found out that my wife had donated the bowls and forks for the pasta guy. “How cool,” I thought. “I wasn’t even there, and I helped contribute to the cause through my wife.” What a great woman. What a nice neighborhood.

The other night I dreamed that the Presidential race was a tie. To break the tie Americans Twittered their votes for President. My cousin Bill decided to run for President, and due to a viral You Tube post, he ended up winning the Presidency.

Bill is a redneck.

Suddenly the White House didn’t look the same. There were pink flamingos on the lawn, car motors hanging by chains from the trees, and Secret Service agents lounging on the porches of the White House on couches with cigarette holes all over them. (The couches had cigarette holes all over them, not the Secret Service guys.)

At Kennebunkport, everyone was riding 4 wheelers, and bass tournaments became the national pastime. Legislation was introduced into Congress to allow tree stands into the National Parks, and Air force One was emblazoned with a huge NASCAR sticker that was starting to peel off.

The bullet-proof limo that the President rides in had rust holes that had been duct taped over and spray painted black. The car also had a 50 caliber “Ma Duce” mounted on it, and the rear bumper was covered with NRA stickers.

The President’s dog was a coon hound.

The Tidal Pool had jet skis going back and forth.

And the Foreign Policy of the Administration included having Navy Seals sneak into Tehran and paint a giant red and white bulls-eye over the President’s palace.

What a dream. I think I’ll turn off Fox News for a while.