Tag Archives: Barstow California

NASA Saved by Comedy Writer

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The other day I was giving one of my comedy cave tours at Glenwood Caverns Adventure Park. I average one joke every 30 seconds on my tours.

I pointed to a gaggle of stalactites on the ceiling and said, “Take a picture of these, save the photo, and turn it upside down. You will see a city on Mars.”

As I stood back and observed, the “ooohs” and “aaahs” erupted with timed precision.

When they died down, I said, “Now I want you to email your photos to NASA, and have their marketing department overlay them on those boring pictures of Barstow, California they keep sending out.”

Laughter.

Apparently, one little girl did just that.

NASA took the photo and did the overlay.

Then NASA set up a press conference, and announced to the world that they had discovered signs of past life on Mars.

“Speaking on condition of anonymity,” one NASA official said that they even found an empty Starbucks coffee shop in every building.

In a genius publicity move, NASA did what they learned from National Geographic. Remember when National Geographic had a picture of a fossil “lizard-bird” on their front cover a few years ago?

The “lizard-bird” fossil turned out to be a fake from China, and they had a small retraction later on. But by then it was too late. Millions of museums around the world will refer to that photo as a proof of evolutionary transition.

So NASA has proof of past life on Mars even though it was retracted in a small statement on page 7 of the Wakarusa Tribune’s annual “Best of Hog Prices” edition.

Intelligent life in outer space.

NASA is raking in the bucks now that it is piquing the interest of the public. The federal budget for NASA has increased 380% per year, compounded daily, for the next 50 years.

The Space Program can breathe easy and coast for a while.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go screw some loose stalactites back onto the ceiling.

NASA Flubbed

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Some people are upset that the landing of the NASA gizmo on Mars didn’t cause much of a buzz. But in all honesty, look what happened…

The Olympics have been the big event for a few thousand years . Then NASA shows up and hires scientists who couldn’t have had worse timing if they’d scheduled the Mars Rover landing during the Super Bowl.

Come on guys. Didn’t you go to college to learn physics, advanced math, spit wad trajectories, and interplanetary social skills? You had the most advanced information in the history of mankind available to plan your space flight, and you messed it up. I bet you scheduled your spur-of-the-moment frat parties better than the Mars Rover landing.

Think of the result:

The Olympics went head to head with pictures of a place that looks like Barstow, California on an average day.

“ We interrupt this age-old athletic event, chronicling human beings competing in gloriously beautiful sporting contests, to bring you a picture of dirt.”

Dirt.

“That’s amazing dirt, Roger”.”

“Yes it is. I can’t tell, but I think it’s red, like Colorado dirt.”

“Oh, look! Is that a wheel in the picture?”

“A wheel on the dirt, I believe!”

“That dirt may have contained life at one time, Roger.”

“Wow,this is a momentous event.”

“I makes me want to cry.”

Dirt. Dirt on a low-resolution photo, with bad lighting. Woo Hoo!

The best thing that came out of that NASA photo shoot was a Photoshopped image of Marvin Martian sticking his head in from the side.

The Mars announcement was a big yawn. At least in Barstow, California, there used to be life on the dirt.