My Pancake Looks Like the “Death Star”

pancake that looks like a Death Star

7:10 am. Saturday. I’ve just completed making four perfect pancakes for my kids. Golden brown, fluffy enough to jump on in your stocking feet. The kids are happily munching away, chugging a gallon of milk, and humming their “happy” songs.

“Now for the “Piece de Resistance!” *  I declare, as I prepare to flip MY pancake.

The pancake goes up in the air, does a Triple Lindy, and a section of the cake decides to detach from the mother ship, and set a trajectory course off to the east, while the main fuselage continues on the flight plan that I had filed. Down, comes the cake, one piece floating into the pan, in a gloriously soft landing worthy of a “9.8” from the Lithuanian judge, while the second section of the now-disintegrating cake splatters on the stove and comes to rest in “Ugly Land”.

It’s rare to look in a cook book and see a “Exploded View of Pancake”.

I sent a Downed Aircraft Rescue Team to retrieve the errant section and continued muttering something in French while I looked over my shoulder to see if my children had noticed that Dad isn’t a gourmet chef. Luckily, they were still chomping and guzzling, and accidently putting their elbows into Log Cabin syrup.

I shoveled my wounded cake onto the finest plate I could find (this ought to make it look better) and sat down, asking for the about-to-fall-on-the-floor pancake syrup.

Don’t ask me what the light colored stuff is in the photo above. I could be homemade butter; it could be sea foam. I’m not sure.

The cake tasted ok despite the looks.

Now I know how George Lucas made his models in the earliest Star Wars episodes. He cooked his own pancakes for breakfast.

Oops, I gotta go. My wife says Spielberg is on the line.

*Noun
1.
piece de resistance – the outstanding item (the prize piece or main exhibit) in a collection: collector’s item, showpiece-curio, curiosity, oddment, peculiarity, rarity, oddity – something unusual — perhaps worthy of collecting: rariora – (plural) rare collector’s items

2.
piece de resistance – the most important dish of a meal: dish – a particular item of prepared food; “she prepared a special dish for dinner”                                  (source: thefreedictionary.com)

I Should Have Been a Doctor, Not an Author

029

At the Mountain and Plains book expo, I attended the Author Signing Night. People filed by, spitting hors d’oeuvres out of their mouths as they raved about my book, and asked me to sign it for all 15 of their grandchildren (couldn’t you get a book for each child?).

I would write something in each book about “tooth adventures!” and then sign my autograph starting with a symbol that looks a little bit like a “J”, followed by a smooth flowing hieroglyphic. It looked like it was written by Nerfateedees,  the 10 year old Pharaoh of the Foamtoy Dynasty. Then, I would do a Loren Begly “B”, followed by a M.C. Escher drawing of the New York skyline.

My autograph amazed even me. It was worthy of even the most practiced doctor. I could have gotten a prescription to virtually any drug in the world.

My second grade teacher wouldn’t have been surprised, however. She used to give me “C”s in Cursive Handwriting. Somehow, she just knew I was going to be a doctor, and she wanted to help me along.

I have to go now. I need to pull out the couch cushions and look for some lost foam darts.