In case you were wondering, not everybody can be a cave tour guide. It takes a special sort of person, and I’m sort of extra special. Don’t try this at home:

Last week, I showed up for work with no lunch, no lunch money, and no breakfast. Don’t feel sorry for me, though. I have resources, and like the Jews in the wilderness, my manna comes daily. It just looks a little crazier.

I got to work a half hour early. For breakfast, I had a bag of microwave popcorn, a boatload of baked beans (left over from ‘the big private party at the caverns the night before), and several glasses of free Coca Cola. Now THAT’S a breakfast!

And you wonder why your cave tour guide is smiling when he shows up. He’s just eaten 15 ounces of baked beans, and he’s going to walk through the cave ahead of you.

Yeah, being a cave tour guide is not for wussies.

I just wish this passageway was not so small.