“We’re lookin’ for a home life, and clean smellin’ sheets,

and all the soft places to fall.”

Willie and Waylon

(Poncho and Lefty album, circa 1985)

Flint and I used to sing that song at the top of our lungs while driving his little Toyota pickup truck through Utah. We were going to go teach rock climbing. How appropriate.

I also sang that song with the other Wilderness Rangers in Wyoming a year earlier. We rode horses into the Absorka Wilderness, and dodged grizzlies, moose, lightning, hypothermia, broken legs, drownings, bad cooking, and poachers.

Now here I am in Marble, Colorado, building my own house with the help of my wife and kids. As I cut the 2×12 lumber for roof blocking, it drops onto the floor. Some of the pieces crack, and some of them actually break into two pieces. So looking around for a solution (“Dad, they’re hitting the ground too hard”), I set out the Tweety Bird chair.

The Tweety Bird chair was bought by a friend in San Antonio and given to one of my children a few years ago. It’s a nylon fold up chair with a Tweety Bird sporting a 12 inch head and 3 inch body. I put the chair under the overhanging wood, and when I cut the board off with the saw, the wood would fall and be caught by the Tweety Bird. Every time the board landed without breaking, I would yell, “Tweety Bird!”. That kept the nailers warned that product was on their way in good condition.

Enter: “The Tweety Bird Effect”. The Tweety Bird Effect is when you try to keep things from breaking by giving them a soft landing when they fall.

Barack Obama must think that he’s the big Tweety Bird in Washington. He’s trying to catch the falling auto industry. He’s trying to catch the falling bank industry. He’s trying to catch the falling healthcare industry, falling education system, falling military, falling bike path industry, and falling travel trailer industry. And don’t forget the falling environment of the entire world.

As the big Tweety Bird in Washington, our President will pretty much keep you safe in EVERYTHING. The only thing you have to do is give him your money, time, and life. It’s that easy to be kept safe.

The only thing is, what if Barack Obamais a bad cook, or an unconstitutional poacher?