Recently, this Russian Tomahawk missile landed just beyond the boys bathroom at a camp located in Marble, Colorado. Fortunately the campers were all in chapel, and the warhead (made in China) didn’t detonate.

Camp staff discovered the missile while chasing a squirrel that had stolen the camp director’s secret recipe for wookalar pie. The squirrel ran up the missile and sat on the still-smoking fins.

NORAD tracking experts admitted to not detecting the missile as it flew over 90 percent of the US, narrowly missing 13 commercial jets, and a truck driver from Indiana who had tied helium balloons to a lawn chair and was floating above the small town of Wakarusa.

Authorities at the Department of Defense stated that the public was never in any danger, because the missile is actually made from an old telephone pole, and had a very imprecise flight path.

The biggest mystery is why the Russian Army didn’t detach the wheel before launching the missile. It’s supposed that the launch captain was on Twitter at the moment.